Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
