Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
