Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
