Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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