Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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