so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
