Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
