toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
