i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
