my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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