Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
