I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
