where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
