i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
