theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize