I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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