it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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