So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
