broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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