My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
