I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
