I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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