Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
