Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
