were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
