My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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