They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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