It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
