Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
