Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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