I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
