I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
