I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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