Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
