I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Princesses don't give blow jobs
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
