I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
