How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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