so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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