I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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