You just made me feel so damn special
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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