yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
