Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
