she looked like the before picture.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
