someone get that fucking seahorse.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
