Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
