I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
