i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
