So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
