there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
