The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
