Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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