I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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