She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
