it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
