I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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