Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
