I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
