and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
