She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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