Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize