I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
