i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
