I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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