Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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