oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize