I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
