i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
