This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
