Ambien. No doubt about it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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