guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize