Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
