You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
