I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's rum buckets o'clock
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
