ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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