just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
