How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
