I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
