He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize