I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
