He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
