I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
