worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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