Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
