I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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