I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
