The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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