to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize