Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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