im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
