Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
