I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
