Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
