Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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