I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
