What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
