I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i've created a new STD.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
