i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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