I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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