So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
