My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
