I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
