There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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