On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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